25 June 2013
Now, having been married for seven years now, and having two children with this woman, I knew better than to ask what had happened. Instead, I took her downstairs to watch some TV that wasn't animated and relax.
My plan worked well, apparently. As we were getting ready to watch the show, she suddenly said, "You don't understand! The boy grabbed a fork and was trying to comb my hair with it!! It hurt!"
I always seem to miss the more interesting events of the day.
24 June 2013
16 June 2013
04 June 2013
03 June 2013
02 June 2013
Have Ya ever scared the daylights out of yourself? I mean scared yourself so well that you just about wet yourself?
Today, I did.
Recently, I had a new security system installed. And being a man, I had to get all the cool doohickies that came with it. My favorite - until today - is the app that lets me control the house automation and security from my phone. Today, the family was out and I was gathering up the tools for my to do list. I sat down at the table to check my list again, then headed for the back door. Now mind you, I had been going inane out for a bit, and the alarm wasn't set. It was just me and the Furball, and he can't reach the control panel. And no matter how much he begs, I'm not getting him a phone, so he can't control the system.
Well, I opened that back door and all help broke loose. The siren (which I'm pretty sure is louder than advertised) started wailing, he dog started running in circles and howling and a loud, disembodied voice directly behind me suddenly said, "Hello, is everything okay?"
I dang near had a heart attack.
Who knew you could butt dial your alarm?
28 May 2013
When parents get sick, there's no one to kiss it and make it all better. I've had laryngitis for five days now, and it's driving me nuts. But when Little Man climbed up on the couch beside me, took my finger in his tiny hand and laid his head against me to keep me company - well, warm fuzzies are pretty great medicine.
12 May 2013
Being a man, I thought I was prepared for all the little surprises my son might come up with. After all, I was a little boy at one point myself.
Apparently, I was a different kind of little boy than my son. Perhaps my OCD extends a bit farther back in time than I previously thought.
Little Man has a knack for grossing me out like nothing I ever imagined.
I was sitting at my computer when my fearless boy ran up screaming and crying. He was pitching such a fit I immediately started looking for severed ears or gushing wounds. I figured he had to be hurt. I couldn't see anything, and I was trying to calm him down when he suddenly shoved his hand at my face.
On his right index finger was the biggest booger I have ever seen!
And he couldn't get it off.
And it freaked him out even more than it did me!
I didn't know OCD was genetic.
30 April 2013
There comes a time in every Daddy's life when he hears those words he doesn't want to hear: "Daddy, I have a boyfriend!"
I really didn't expect it to be when she was five. I was at the counter making tortillas when I heard it today. I caught myself before I hit the ground, but the world swayed mightily. My little Princess is growing so very fast. Just yesterday, it seems, she was sleeping on my chest with her Pink. Today, she's planning to marry Cody. Lord have mercy.
And as if my constitution wasn't tested thoroughly enough by the whole boyfriend thing...
So, I know someday she will ask me true love. "How do I know it's true love, Daddy?" Now I have an answer.
See, Sweetheart decided to help me out by taking out the compost pail. She had never worked my compost tumbler before. She closed the lid, thought it was locked and turned it. Then she screamed. I would have taken a picture, but that bin isn't ready to dump out, see. I was a little too busy trying not to hurl.
So, how does that answer the question? Well, when you see that and immediately grab a shovel instead of making your Sweetheart clean up the mess, then you know you have TRUE LOVE.
Ah, the wonders of life as a parent!
Filled with unanswerable questions.
Questions like - Why in the world is sparkling rainbow colored glitter cooked onto my tortilla griddle? And how did it get there when I store that thing on a shelf six feet off the floor?