11 April 2012

New Phrase

Tonight, as I lay here, collapsed across the bed in utter mental exhaustion, I have been struck with inspiration. I am joining modern society, or at least the kooks therein, and adding to the english language. But let me paint a picture.

The day has been long and fraught with familial dangers. The boy ran around screeching. All day. At the top of his lungs. Seems he's experimenting with new sounds.

The girl got in trouble innumerable times for playing rough with the boy (which is possibly how the boy found his new mind shattering sound) and for playing rough with the boy again right after being punished for the same. Apparently she had taken complete leave of her senses. Or possibly has developed a memory problem and cannot remember getting put in the corner or spanked five seconds earlier.

The dog hid under my feet or the wife's for most of the day. I know he was in terror for his life. Good grief, so was I! But seriously, he drooled on my toes.

The wife was in near meltdown over a situation with her new company and had essentially decided to leave society and head to the wilds of Alaska.

And to top it off, as my wife came out of the boy's room, and the house was finally quiet, I suggested we scamper off to shower together and, umm, relieve stress and she said "Why would we shower together?" 

And what's worse, I was too wiped out to explain.

And so, I add a new phrase to our grand ever-changing language.

"Parental Pall"

Now for those of you like the wife, who just said, "Huh?", a pall is a covering for a coffin or hearse. And before you gasp, I'm not saying kids are like...umm, okay, so yeah, I'm saying kids have an innate ability to cast an almost funereal pall over their parents lives at times. Especially when the one year old has been teething for five years and the four year old decides to start wandering in the middle of the night. Hmm, possibly the reason the wife played dumb tonight, as the girl was still singing in her room, and her wandering was only realized after we unfortunately forgot to lock our door.

My mind is numb from the craziness and lack of sleep. But then again, tomorrow is a new day, and Praise God, tomorrow is Daddy's Day Out. Five and a half glorious hours...okay, the wife just interrupted my writing to comment that I will be working my tail off instead of running off to the gun range. But, at least I'll be cleaning the house to my own tunes and not those of Doc McStuffins.