21 May 2012

ER Amazement

So there I was, sitting in the ER waiting for my room. I had been there for many, many hours, and was thus paying close attention to everything I could hear beyond my curtain. Hey, even when you've just learned (the hard way) that you now have a seizure disorder, you can still get bored and need entertainment. So I was trying to figure out from listening alone, what was going on outside my little curtained world.

That's how I noticed the moaning coming from the next bay over. I said a prayer for the person in pain, and then started listening. Turns out the elderly gentleman in the next bay was having his bladder lavaged. I had never heard of that procedure, but the doctor was explaining everything she was doing for the benefit of a medical student accompanying her. Let's just say I hurt remembering it, and the poor patient probably is still sore. Sore, but relieved. Just under 1500 ccs of fluid was drained from this poor fellow's bladder. Now, according to my layman's research, that's roughly 3 times more than a normal bladder can hold before you feel a drastic urge to pee. Wow!

Excuse me while I run to the bathroom real quick.

Okay, I'm back. Whew!

So his extraordinarily distended bladder was now emptied. Just as the doctor said "Yep, hes feeling better now", the man was doubly blessed. He earned his spot of ER fame and will be remembered through the ages by stunned bystanders and their descendants. You see, an extremely distended bladder can apparently, um, block passage through the rectum.

Imagination working on you yet?

You might have guessed correctly. he did indeed have an explosive, um, movement. That however, is not his new claim to fame.

After his "blockage" cleared, this blessed gentleman amazed everyone present by passing gas for a solid 90 seconds. I know this because I heard the doctor's shocked exclamation of the time. I think I passed out after that.

There may have been longer farts in history, but I've never heard of one. This man actually wept from release as nurses, doctors and EMTs gathered outside the room to stand spellbound, wondering when it would end.

And the proud, and much relieved, farter...the release from pain was so sudden and complete, he passed out with a smile on his face.