31 May 2012

What do you do?

What do you do? When life throws curve balls at you faster than you can swing. When everything you take for granted is suddenly no longer guaranteed. When you can no longer trust something as basic as your own body.

What do you do? When your Princess cries because you fall into a heap at her feet as you lose consciousness with no warning. When she asks Mommy to come sit in Daddy's chair because Daddy can't get out of bed and she wants someone to watch her play so she can pretend everything is normal. When you have to say no when she wants to go swimming because its not safe for Daddy to be near the pool.

What do you do? When you're no longer allowed to carry your Little Man because you might fall and hurt him. When he looks up at you in confusion because he wants Daddy to pick him up for a hug, but Daddy's arms won't work.

What do you do? When your Sweetheart is so afraid of hurting you that she won't kiss you. When she has a constant migraine from the stress of dealing with so much more than she should ever have to even imagine. When she needs reassurance and you can't even speak coherently enough for her to understand.

What do you do? When your world is turned upside down. When you realize that you are oh so very mortal. When you aren't even 40 and you have to face the reality of advanced directives. When you realize that there are so many gaps in your recent memories that you find yourself asking your Sweetheart if, just maybe, you're actually crazy. When she tells you how many "episodes" you've had and you find yourself wishing it WAS something as simple as you being crazy.

What do you do? When your job is to protect and provide for your family and you can't even walk straight. When you're supposed to be the pillar of strength they can lean on and your wife has to help you into bed.

What do you do when you're scared out of your ever lovin' mind and you don't know what to do?