21 September 2012

Bulletproof Boy

Yep, my Little Man is bulletproof. He's armored - with kevlar boogers!

Last night, I picked him up and saw stuff hanging out of his nose. No problem. I grabbed a tissue and wiped his nose. End of the booger, right?

Uh uh!

That booger didn't come off. It grew! It covered his upper lip as he smiled at me, as if to say, "Ha ha, feel the power of my boogers!"

As I tried again to wipe it off, the danged tissue ripped! The booger grew more. It began to harden into a protective shield.

But I am Daddy! I can beat a mere booger. Right? I went for the paper towel. More booger cleaning power.

Fear me, booger! I'm coming for you.

The booger laughed. I'm serious, I heard a diabolical laugh as the booger grew more. It might have been Sweetheart coming into the room laughing as she saw me battling a booger, but I don't think so. No, I'm pretty sure it was the booger.

As the boy smiled, I realized the booger must be filling his head. It was huge! There could be no room in the boy's head for anything except the booger.

I tried again. The booger got bigger. The booger got harder. The booger laughed again.

The paper towel was very nearly shredded by now, and the boy's nose was growing red, but the battle had to be won. The booger had to go. It was me or the booger. This house is not big enough for the two of us.

The boy's head began to shake as the booger began to stretch. I pulled - I wiped - I squeezed...

And in the end, I prevailed. I beat the evil, bulletproof booger.

I am Daddy - hear me roar, booger!