01 December 2012

All Hail Pharaoh!

So I was sitting at the kitchen table, peacefully enjoying my coffee, when Sweetheart suddenly asked me what I wanted to do today. Now, I have learned a little Femaleze over the last 7 years, so I knew what she was saying. In MaleSpeak, she said, "I have a list a mile long of tasks for you slave, now jump!"

{At this point, I probably should state for any folks out there reading this, who might be deficient in the humor department, that this is a humorous translation - pretty real to life, but no whips involved - and I don't want any freaky emails about me being a woman hater, or pro-slavery, or any of that other nonsense. I'm not a politician - I'll just laugh at you.}

Anyway, I felt frisky, so I headed her off at the pass.

"I have in mind a rather Pharaonic day, supervising the slaves." I said. "I'll have them cleaning the courtyard so that they may erect a pyramid to the glory of our wondrous Creator."

Translation: "I'm gonna let the kids run rampant and watch TV, while I amble around the parlor clearing it out so I can build my annual Christmas Extravaganza - all the while trying to keep the girl from playing with the nativity, and the boy from eating ornaments and the dog from eating fake snow.

Lo and behold, it actually worked!

She looked at me and said, "Boy your in a goofy mood." Which ,in Femaleze of course, means, "I'm thinking of having you committed to the state asylum, but before I have you hauled off, I'm going to see just how much work you can actually get out of these little critters. Just in case it works."

Or maybe it meant, "You're so nuts, I'm going to give you a pass today so you won't screw up and burn the house down."

Who cares which.

I got to go back to enjoying my coffee.