15 December 2012

Midnight Rant

(WARNING! The following post is written by a father going on his third night without sleep because of the people written about below.) 

This goes out to all you danged, inconsiderate, idiotic jerks out there who either think your actions have no impact on others, or who are just too sick to care. You know who you are. You drive around with your radios blasting at ear shattering volumes. You drive around thinking it's cool to have your exhaust system modified to be louder than a 747 at takeoff. You rev your motorcycle, with its freight train-like mufflers, in the middle of the night. You have no concern for the children you wake, or the dogs you set to barking, or the people who actually have to sleep. You don't care that the noise you so thoughtlessly produce scared a child so badly that he couldn't go back to sleep. Of course, even if he had been able to go back to sleep, you would have woken him up again as you continued to drive around all night long.

Now, we all know that your penises are so tiny that you feel you have to try to prove your manhood by making loud noises and beating your chest - rather like the Neanderthals you seem to aspire to emulate. But do the rest of us have to suffer because of your inadequacies? A booming radio is not going to make you a man. Waking up children in the middle of the night with your ridiculously loud vehicle will not make you little wee wee grow. 

So grow up and learn some consideration, you jerk!

And if not, let me leave you with the words of one of my favorite songs of old, by the great Jimmy Dickens:

"May the bird of paradise fly up your nose, May an elephant caress you with its toes ..."

Well, the rest is about your wife, and we all know you probably don't have one of those, so I'll add my own words to it.

May your testicles explode in a fury so that your genes may leave humanity forever and relieve the rest of us of your stupidity.