30 April 2013

True Love

There comes a time in every Daddy's life when he hears those words he doesn't want to hear: "Daddy, I have a boyfriend!"

I really didn't expect it to be when she was five. I was at the counter making tortillas when I heard it today. I caught myself before I hit the ground, but the world swayed mightily. My little Princess is growing so very fast. Just yesterday, it seems, she was sleeping on my chest with her Pink. Today, she's planning to marry Cody. Lord have mercy.

And as if my constitution wasn't tested thoroughly enough by the whole boyfriend thing...

So, I know someday she will ask me true love. "How do I know it's true love, Daddy?" Now I have an answer.

See, Sweetheart decided to help me out by taking out the compost pail. She had never worked my compost tumbler before. She closed the lid, thought it was locked and turned it. Then she screamed. I would have taken a picture, but that bin isn't ready to dump out, see. I was a little too busy trying not to hurl.

So, how does that answer the question? Well, when you see that and immediately grab a shovel instead of making your Sweetheart clean up the mess, then you know you have TRUE LOVE.

????

Ah, the wonders of life as a parent!

Amazing.

Mysterious.

Unknowable.

Filled with unanswerable questions.

Questions like - Why in the world is sparkling rainbow colored glitter cooked onto my tortilla griddle? And how did it get there when I store that thing on a shelf six feet off the floor?

28 April 2013

Disillusionment

The Princess is hiding.

Shattered by disillusionment.

I didn't mean to do it. Honestly!

But when I told her that we didn't actually have her baby brother as a toy for her, it just broke her heart.

--  Did you know that if you say something funny, not realizing it's funny until after your wife chokes, but you're unable to laugh because it will destroy the effectiveness of your disciplinary statement, it can make you cry.  --

20 April 2013

Busted

Well, I knew it had to happen eventually. The writing was on the wall for a few years now. Things were just changing too fast, and it really was just a matter of time before someone caught me.

My daddy would be so ashamed.

I guess it all started after a brush with cancer a few years ago, when I started taking a hard look at what my family ate. Sweetheart and I decided that if she, as a biochemist, couldn't pronounce the ingredients list of a prospective food, we weren't going to eat it. We started cooking with primary ingredients from scratch. Then I started baking. Well, that all led to an eye opening price check. When I started grinding wheat (yes, the grinder is electric) and baking loaves of bread for 25 cents a loaf, I discovered an inner frugaholic that I had never known existed. I started finding ways to incorporate all kinds of cost saving, quality enhancing items into our lives. I found castile soap and essential oils and started cleaning better and oh so much cheaper. Then I got a vacuum packer. I love my vacuum packer. Sweetheart had to make me promise to never vac-pac the kids or the dog, but after that she just let me go. Now she finds the sales and I process it for storage. My goal is a herd of longhorns. I think I can do 'em. I've got me a 60 gallon tote full of assorted sizes of sealer rolls and pouches and a spare foodsaver to boot. I can seal 'em and  freeze 'em or batch cook 'em as soon as she rolls 'em through the doorway.

Aaahhhaa! I do love me a good meat sale.
This last one though bit me in the butt and exposed my secret double life.

It all happened 'cuz my revered Most Redneck Brother came over to pressure wash my fence for restaining. Sweetheart had caught a good sale and as I was processing chicken and chops to be grilled in a weekly batch, I saw the beef ribs. Now I don't like eating ribs off the bone. I like a little less of a mess. Especially with two kids to clean up. So I like the ribs to melt off the bone - which is why I bake 'em.

There I said it! It's out now and the world can shake their heads in disgust if they want. Most Redneck was so shocked I though he was going to drop his cold beer. He told me that I was doing wrong. And their could be no excuse. He said he could never suffer to touch ribs from an oven.

That was probably the wrong time to wonder aloud if Sweetheart was finding the pair of crocs I was interested on trying out after years of her trying to tell me it would be fine of I wore plastic shows with no socks.

Most Redneck set down his beer, picked it right back up and said,"I'm formally revoking your redneck license, bubba. You done got too danged crunchy.

Hello, my name is TrekkerDad, and I am a crunchy, recycling, half hippy half redneck.

Wonder if I'm too old to learn how to play hacky sack?

13 April 2013

Priorities

The weather is perfect for working in my garden today. So after giving the girls a shopping list and sending them off to run errands, I started reading the instructions for my new drip irrigation system while gathering up Little Man for his nap. I figured I'd put him down and get to work. He had other ideas.  Sweetheart will roll her eyes, I'm sure, but when the child who's normally too busy to give Daddy the time of day wants to kick back and watch Bob the Builder - well, it's all about getting priorities straight.

And I do kinda get a kick out of that idiot, Spud.